It was very good to see that you gave a clear thesis statement in your introduction and then used the rest of the essay to support this view. You present, extend and support main ideas, but there was a tendency to over-generalise at times. For discussion discuss both views it is important that you give equal time to both views. Even if you disagree with one view, you should write one paragraph saying why you disagree.
If you did this, you would have got a higher band. One thing that you could do better is provide specific examples. The more specific you can be with your examples, the more authority your points have. See my article below. Be careful not to have too many ideas. Your ideas are relevant, but it is better to have fewer ideas and support these with explanations and examples, than simply list lots of ideas that are not fully developed. Examiners are looking for fully developed ideas, not lists of ideas.
You logically organise information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout. The structure that you have used really helps in this area and makes everything easy to follow and flows very nicely. However, it can be improved even more. You use a range of cohesive devices linking words appropriately although there is some over-use.
All linking words are used accurately and effectively, but there tends to be a reliance on them through overuse. This is not a huge problem, but the higher band scores use cohesive devices much less than you currently do. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic and this is really helped by a topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph.
Your use of cohesive devices is very good, but you do have a tendency to overuse them. Only use them when necessary. If you look at my example essays I might only use them once or twice per paragraph. You attempt to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy and you make some errors in word formation, but they do not impede communication. Please see corrections above for examples of this. You do try to use advanced vocabulary but this often leads to small mistakes.
It is better to use simple words and make no mistakes than use advanced words, but in error. In the long term you should think about starting a vocabulary book. You can then review these new words regularly so that they become a natural part of your vocabulary. You should also give yourself a few minutes at the end to evaluate your vocabulary and make sure you have not made any mistakes.
Finally, synonyms are important and you should try to use them, but only use them if you know that they mean exactly the same as the word you are replacing. They should also be grammatically correct. If you are not sure, just repeat the word. Establish your common grammar errors and then review this grammar. There are lots of online activities you can do to practice and perfect each area you are weak in. If there is any doubt then you need to think about how you can express your point in a simpler way, that has no mistakes.
It is better to write in a simple way and make no mistakes, than use complex grammar and structures with frequent errors. The main things you can do is to answer the question by doing what it asks you to do. This band 6. Send us your IELTS writing samples for a free band score estimate or get a detailed analysis for a fee. Essay topics: Some October 11, Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities.
Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other August 24, The following is an essay submitted by one of our students. Some people think that enough money brings happiness but others say too much money may bring problems. Band 6. August 22, The following is an essay submitted by one of our readers. The presence of technology in the classroom has become more and more apparent and offer students tremendous resources with which to supplement their May 5, Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.
Discuss both views and give
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